Monday, September 13, 2010

World's Best

My Grandfather passed away early Sunday morning. He is at peace now and resting in heaven with my Grandma. I will miss him more than words can describe, the void that will be left in my heart cant be replaced.

As you grow up so many different things happen and so many things change. You learn about yourself and others. You do things you regret and you regret things you didn't do.

What happens when you regret something you didn't do? Should you sit back and feel sorry yourself? Should you be forever angry with yourself and hold it over your head each day? Well, I cant really say I know the answer to any of those questions. The only thing I DO know is that for a while I'm going to probably feel those things. My grandfather was a very important part of my life. But you know what? Sometimes you don't always share how important someone is with anyone and sometimes you stay a little further away then you should or wanted to. Not because you don't care to see them, not because you don't have the time, but because you love them so much that its too hard to see them sick. Unfortunately that's the time when the one who is sick needs you most. My grandfather has been in/out of the hospital since Thanksgiving 2009, and I never went to see him. You see I had been nervous to go because I knew he was sick and I knew he probably didn't look good. Every time I said I was going to go, something got in the way. But I surely thought of him everyday. And I was always asking my other family members how he was doing. In July I was going to go see him but I got mono. On Saturday this week I decided I was seriously going to go Sunday afternoon...but I didn't have a chance, because he passed around 1:45am. I know I can't take it back. I know he didn't know how I felt and how much I thought of him. But there is some part of me that seems to think it was fate that I didn't get to go. Call me crazy if you will. I believe that everything happens for a reason, maybe I was supposed to remember him like I do. A happy, funny, wonderful man who I will always call my Poppy. We went to the nursing home after he had passed and the nurses were all crying. He was loved by so many people. Tell told us stories of how happy he had been because he had been winning at Bingo this week and all the ladies wanted to sit next to him. They told us that he was SO happy they had found his favorite shirt that was missing. He was sweet. He was funny. He was my Poppy. He didn't show his emotions very much, but every time he told me he loved me back will echo through my mind now and forever.

I love you Poppy with all my heart. I am forever sorry that I wasn't able to see you in the past months. Please know that I thought of you every day and you were (and will be) always in my heart. I should have seen you and held your hand in the hospital while you were sick, But I didn't. Please forgive me. Please know I love you. I will miss you so much. Give Grandma a BIG hug for me. I love you I love you I love you. Thank you for being the WORLD'S BEST POPPY.